There is no shame in taking a step down

I’ve been wanting to write this article for some time now. I’ve had several drafts in several forms sitting here, unfinished, as I couldn’t figure out how to say what I wanted to say. Here’s hoping this version ends up being the definitive one and I actually publish it!

I made a very conscious decision to take a step down when I was looking for a new role last year. I’d been a Staff Engineer for two years and I kept feeling like I was on the verge of burning out. I’d be sick every three months like clockwork and after work I would just collapse onto the sofa to watch TV or sometimes simply fall asleep, only to drag myself to bed when I inevitably woke up, only to then find myself unable to get back to sleep. It was a frustrating cycle. I had a lot of work-related insomnia too, where I’d find myself thinking about everything that had happened that day and I just wouldn’t be able to let it go.

I did apply for Staff roles when I was looking, but ultimately I felt it best to take a step down to Senior and I’m so glad that I did. When I was a Staff Engineer, I’d spend most of my time either on big technical decisions that took a lot of braining to figure out, or I’d work on the stuff my team didn’t have time for like setting up dashboards, paying down tech debt and applying security fixes. I’d also be in a lot of meetings as the technical expert. Things couldn’t be more different now - I get to code most of the time and I have so few meetings that I still pinch myself every day. I am so much happier and I actually have energy after work which means I get to see my friends more often and have a much more enjoyable life in general.

So why do I still feel like I’ve lost something? Sure, there were aspects of being a Staff Engineer that I enjoyed. The role is rare and coveted and it felt so good to know that I’d made it. However, that also came with a huge amount of impostor syndrome - I don’t think of myself as very technical (though I’m fairly certain this is a perception issue on my part) and I’d compare myself to other Staff Engineers and think “I can’t code in twenty different languages, I’m terrible at this”. I also kind of enjoyed the big brain technical stuff - I love a good spike and I love a nice orderly spike outcome document. Delving deep into an ambiguous problem and coming out of the other end with a neat summary of what the next actions should be gives me life.

I feel like missing the title of Staff Engineer is pretty problematic to be honest. It has made me think about what we as engineers, and maybe even in society, value. We are encouraged to strive, to reach the next rung in the ladder and to get there as quickly as we possibly can. Taking a step down and choosing not to strive has a fair bit of stigma associated with it and is seen as failure somehow. And yet, if it makes you happier, surely it’s a success? Sadly we collectively seem to praise climbing the career ladder and if you can do it quickly, even better.

There are speed running guides out there that will supposedly help you get from Junior to Staff in three years. This is way too fast in my opinion. We need time to learn our craft, to settle into ourselves and to learn from our mistakes. You can only really become a Staff Engineer in three years with a lot of help from a mentor or someone else who’s much more experienced. I know for certain that three years into my career, I would have made a terrible Staff Engineer. I was too inexperienced and made a lot of mistakes and I definitely didn’t see the bigger picture when looking at problems.

This article is turning into another ramble. How do I sum up what I’m trying to say? Charity Majors says it a lot better than I do: the hierarchy is bullshit. Just because there is another level to reach, doesn’t mean you have to reach for it. I’ve taken two steps down in my career and both were the best decision for me at the time and made me so much happier. Not having that coveted fancy title doesn’t make you a worse software engineer and it might just make you feel more whole as a human being. So if you are re-thinking your career and wondering whether taking a step down is for you, don’t let shame stop you.